What Is Tantric Sex?
Our days spent in front of computer screens have all but severed the connection to our bodies and our natural sex drive. In fact, this German study suggests that after one year of partnership, sexual satisfaction in committed relationships enters a steady decline (1).
You don’t have to surrender to that, though!
Many people are beginning to reinvigorate their sex lives by learning tantric sex.
But what is tantra sex really? Besides what we know from that one weird episode of Sex and the City.
Well, strap yourself in, because in this tantric sex how-to, you’ll be discovering all the tips and tricks to making it feel like the first time, every time.
What Is Tantric Sex?
So, what is “tantric” in the first place?
With roots in both Hindu and Buddhist spirituality, “tantra” is derived from the ancient Sanskrit word meaning “to weave energy” (2).
Tantra sexology is the deeply meditative, intimate discovery of your and your partner’s body. The goal of the tantra sex practice is a mind-body connection rather than on the “end goal” of orgasm.
A far cry from what “sex gurus” will tell you, the benefits of tantric sex practices can be experienced by anyone with an open mind and a desire to bring some heat back into the bedroom (or living room, or kitchen).
Neo-Tantra vs Classical Tantra
There are two main types of tantric practice: neo-tantra and classical tantra.
The type you’re probably most familiar with (and the type most associated with modern tantric sexology) is the former.
The main difference between the neo and classical practices is their different approaches to sex.
While the two types do share the same roots, the classical is more concerned with general enlightenment and is much more religiously-rooted than its more sexually-experimental counterpart.
You may have heard of tantric sexology as “black magic” or as the hippy-dippy way of doing the deed (just ask Sting).
Tantric magic is really just the intentional practice of “unlocking the inner divine” – which is defined as everything your body has to offer in terms of sexual pleasure, orgasm, and holistic fulfillment in general.
The tantra practice can be dangerous, but only if you don’t know how to tantra sex safely.
You risk your or your partner’s safety by:
At the end of the day, tantric sex is just sex with the time taken to focus on synchronized breathing, touching, and eye contact.
Just reading that sounds amazing, but trust us when we say it’s even better in practice!
When done right and armed with the proper information, tantric sex really does work, and there are some serious benefits to unlock in terms of deepening your relationship to yourself as well as your partner (other than an amazing orgasm).
Those are some benefits that you don’t need to eat kale or wear collect crystals to appreciate!
Beginners can start with something as simple as honing holistic practices like journaling or breathwork.
More advanced techniques can include integrating a little magic into the day-to-day with tried-and-tested sex toys that double as living room decor (but more on that later).
A Beginner's Guide To Tantra
If you’ve ever taken a fancy yoga class, you may already be familiar with the seven mantras. Learning them is a great beginner’s first step into integrating these principles into the everyday.
Mantras have a lot of power when meditated upon and can be integrated into every aspect of your life (including sex).
Tantra mantra is the active, ritualistic meditation on the seven chakras to connect profoundly with the self and the world.
Because of its deep roots in religion, they should only be explored with the utmost respect.
The most powerful mantra is widely-recognized as the Gayatri mantra, which is an activation of the seventh crown chakra (6).
Tantra mantra works by channeling all chakras towards the seventh: an understanding of the self and others that goes beyond a physical connection.
How long mantras take to work depends on how deeply-rooted and well-practiced they are, but all of the mantras are relevant to tantra sexuality.
But hold on – things might be getting a little confusing at this point! What’s the difference between tantra and mantra?
Well, mantra is sacred repetition for self-actualization, while tantra is the conscious connection of all of the mantras, and is more rooted in practice than theory.
Tantra is the result of meditation rather than the meditation itself.
The Seven Principles Of Tantra
The core principles are a good “tantra for beginners” lesson. They are an exploration of how these ideas can introduce mindfulness and creativity (see: sexual transmutation) into every aspect of your life.
Connecting Your Energy Frequencies
It sounds plucked from an Ikea manual on lamp assembly, but this principle just relies on the idea that our thoughts, emotions, sex, love, and spirits all exist in our bodies as different frequencies of energy.
This tantric technique clears away the things that keep us from actualizing ourselves by channeling these energies (kind of like clearing circuit blockages in an Ikea lamp).
Embracing The Present
Meditating on the present is all about letting go of the past, and leaving the future for tomorrow.
In tantric sex, the breath and body awareness inherent in this principle is really great for heightening both pleasure and intimacy.
Because hammering out an orgasm in record time should never be the focus of intimate time with a partner.
Love And Openness
Opening the heart to connecting deeply with ourselves and others is an acceptance of love for what it is: sometimes painful, but also capable of immense healing.
When used in tantric sex, it becomes a practice for radical self-acceptance as well as the acceptance of another person for what they are in the here and now.
Now, that’s sexy!
Dissolving The Ego
Have you ever had a partner who seemed more concerned about whether he or she was enjoying the experience than pleasing you? Or met someone whom you felt was putting up a front to impress you or get you into bed?
Sometimes, putting our best foot forward in the realm of sex and relationships comes at the cost of abandoning our true selves.
Dissolving the ego doesn’t mean suddenly throwing convention and politeness out of the window; only that we ensure our actions come from a place of love within us and are not a mask we put on.
Embracing Both The Masculine and Feminine
Regardless of biological gender, tantric love is the unity or interplay of masculine and feminine aspects. This principle encourages us to embrace both of these aspects within ourselves as well as within another person.
The masculine aspect is concerned with doing, achieving something within the mold of logic and reason; while the feminine aspect is all about being, the power of receiving and being intuitive.
We’ll leave it to your imagination how the interplay of these aspects could possibly play out in the bedroom.
Unity In Everything
What tantric sexuality is really about is dissolving binaries altogether. A life (and sex life) that integrates these principles emphasizes deep connection and intentionality in all things.
And isn’t that the bottom line of great sex in general?
Setting The Scene
Intentional experiences can best begin by setting the perfect scene for getting in the mood. After all, your space needs to be comfortable if you and your partner are intent on leaving your comfort zone in other ways!
Preparing Your Space
Lightly-scented candles can really cast an organic light that can make any bedroom feel a little cozier.
Physically softening a room with pillows and blankets can help as well. You can also invest in your favorite fragrance of incense to light for helping you get into a meditative state.
It can be tempting to put on some music to get into the mood, but just make sure that it doesn’t interfere with your keying into your partner’s breathwork and responses.
Curate a sexy, romantic playlist that’ll encourage you to take your time.
Instead of awkwardly maneuvering into sexual positions, tasteful sex furniture can help take the guesswork out of trying something new. In terms of reliable, tasteful, and fun tantra-friendly sex furniture, we can’t recommend our curated range of products enough.
If these toys aren’t screaming your name, this buyer’s guide will help you keep a bird’s-eye view on all of the naughty pros and cons.
Getting Into Position
Either way, these little investments will have you experimenting with your partner and discovering your own body in no time.
Performed alone, it can be as simple as a breath-focused self-massage in a cross-legged position, exploring what gives you pleasure.
To perform this with a partner, start by having your partner sit cross-legged. Sit on your partner’s upper thighs and cross your ankles behind their back.
Focus on syncing your breathing and eye gazing. You’ll be aching for more in no time.
If you want to learn more about tantric massage in general, see our article about it.
Want To Go Deeper?
Final Thoughts: Is Tantric Sex For You?
No matter how long you’ve been with a partner or how well you think you know your own body, in tantric sex, there is always something new to discover.
So, if you and your partner are down to explore new heights of pleasure, to try out daring sex positions, and to revamp your sex life, giving tantric sex a try couldn’t hurt… unless you think you’d be into that.
- John M. Grohol, Psy.D., Psych Central – retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/does-sexual-satisfaction-change-the-longer-youre-in-a-relationship/
- David B. Gray, Oxford Research Encyclopedias – retrieved from https://oxfordre.com/religion/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780199340378.001.0001/acrefore-9780199340378-e-59
- Leslie Grace, R.N., mindbodygreen – retrieved form https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23332/tantric-sex-101-what-it-is-how-to-do-it.html
- Psalm Isadora, mindbodygreen – retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-26436/how-tantra-can-help-you-heal-from-sexual-trauma-become-orgasmic.html
- Rosie Gregory, Sporteluxe – retrieved form https://sporteluxe.com/the-essential-mantras-you-need-for-each-of-the-7-chakras/
- Kirpal Singh, The Crown of Life – retrieved from https://www.ruhanisatsangusa.org/pdf/CrownofLife2012.pdf
- Divan Tantra – retrieved from https://www.divantantra.com/en/kamasutra-positions
- Sophie Saint Thomas, Refinery29 – retrieved from https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/tantric-sex-position-for-beginners-guide#slide-1
- Oz Tantra – retrieved from http://www.oztantra.com/oz-tantra-relationship-course/
- Your Tango – retrieved from https://www.yourtango.com/2013191359/best-books-tantric-sex