How to sexually reset your brain
Sadly, in this busy world, it’s easy to lose sight of your orgasm. Perhaps it’s disappeared (I hate it when mine disappears – *sad face*), on the other hand, you could be having a few, uh… “too many” big Os… or might not be able to climax with a partner?
So, orgasms improve focus, concentration, and relaxation.(1) For some (like me), a reboot is essential as it helps us to ground ourselves. It helps me to reconnect to my body, for instance. (Really helpful if you’re on the anxious side!)
However, a reboot is also important if you’ve developed a pornography addiction.
Both types of resets are useful to know about. Get the low down now…
How to reset yourself sexually...
OK, so let’s look at each area separately as they’re a little different.
To reset your sexual libido...
Desire is a funny one, isn’t it? One minute it’s there, the next it’s shot off over the horizon.
There are many factors that influence this. In order to improve desire and sexual satisfaction, there are things you can do to help yourself out.
Now, this is a moment for a little sexual psychology. To enjoy sex and sensuality again, you need to consider how thoughts and feelings are linked to behavior.
If you want to reignite your libido, the rebooting process is essential. That means thinking about your psychological and physical health.
We’ll get on to that soon but just before, it’s worth mentioning medications and remedies. If you try my suggestions and still struggle, contact an alternative therapist or doctor to find out about your options.
If internet porn has resulted in compulsive use...
If you watch porn in an unhealthy way, it comes with many unhealthy effects and can make you feel depressed.
There are also the issues internet porn use can have on real life. It’s a serious topic.
According to research that studied young men with heavy porn use, there’s only one way to tackle the addiction. What is it?
You guessed it: abstinence.(2)
The motivations for “Rebooting”
We all need a little reboot occasionally and not just in relation to sexual behavior. There are many sexual cues that signal a reboot is in order, such as:
- “Routine sex” that doesn’t excite you.
- A lack of desire and lovemaking.
- Performance anxiety about real sex.
- Sexual dysfunction and loss of sexual arousal for men, women, and non-binary people.
- Increased masturbation (rather than intimacy with a partner).
- Social anxiety.
- Experiencing withdrawal symptoms between watching porn.
- Developing depression.
A rebooting period offers many benefits including reduced stress, improved intimacy, and happier relationships.
Know how to Rewire Your Sexual Desire
If your libido is low...
There are a few tricks to rewiring your sexual hunger if your libido is low. Try the following…
Mindfulness practice! It helps rewire your brain. People who embark on mindfulness therapy have higher sexual desires and responses.(2) Amazing, right? Also, by reducing the stress in your life through relaxing activities and giving yourself TLC time, you increase your ability to orgasm!
Another important thing? Sleep! People who sleep more have a higher libido!(3) You can also make time for good old sexual fantasy and reading or watching romantic stories when you’re cozied up in bed.
It’s really useful to keep in mind the hormones too. Especially as they can be affected by contraceptives. Hormones affect libido, so it might be worth speaking to a professional.
If you're experiencing porn-induced negative effects
Watching pornographic content too often effects the brain.
People become addicted to porn and masturbation because of how it initially increases dopamine levels. This is what makes you feel good.
It can feel impossible to change behavior when you’re addicted but many people in your position do it. You can too.
You’ll need to go cold turkey or drastically reduce how often you tap into internet pornography sites. It’s also important not to fantasize about porn.
What's Allowed During a Reboot?
So, it’s critical to think about all aspects of what makes you you. Your sexual response is totally interconnected with every other part of your health.
As well as trying mindful activities to support mental health, address the physical through your diet. Cut out junk food! Ensure you’re drinking enough water and eating enough fruit and veg helps. This can recalibrate your sex drive by giving you lots of nutrients and rebalancing brain chemicals and hormone levels. Exercise, whether gentle or hard, will boost the happy chemicals in your brain and make you feel good.
Adventure is something we could all do with! Try new things in the bedroom. For the porn addict, this is a time to re-explore with a partner in a gentle way.
Tip: Tantric massage is perfect.
The “Rebooting” Experience
During the moment you take to reboot, it’s really helpful to place emphasis on being present. As well as mindfulness practices, Trantric activities help.
As a lifestyle, the Tantric approach isn’t focused on heterosexual penis-in-vagina sex.
It’s a practice that refocuses energies to enable mental and emotional wellbeing, intimacy and connection.
For the porn user, the only way to totally rewire the brain is abstinence from pornography use.
For those who want to increase libido, you might try masturbation as a way to explore your body.
This can also support you into feeling more sexual and into exploring new sexy habits.
What watching pornography does to your brain...
Psychologists debate whether a person can be addicted to porn. However, it’s commonly accepted nowadays as a behavioural addiction.
This is because viewing porn activates the reward system in your brain by releasing dopamine. When people turn to porn and masturbation often, this “happy chemical” floods the brain. When there’s too much dopamine over a period of time, a person will need more of it than usual to be able to feel pleasure.
Down the line, a person might develop porn-induced erectile dysfunction. This might mean not being able to get an erection, however, dysfunction also results in the inability to reach orgasm. It can also lead to increased stress, brain fog, and an ability to connect to a real person.(4)
What watching pornography does to your brain...
Eventually with prolonged pornography use, the neural pathways that are involved with decision making and impulse control are restructured. This effects your ability to make sound decisions and people can start using pornography in unhealthy ways (i.e. looking for more unusual things to get you off).
This addiction, for many guys in particular, can become compulsive and affects mental health and relationships.
The great news is that’s possible to change through abstinence and by developing positive and new healthy behaviors. For those who have a partner, open communication is key to developing intimacy.