The hottest sex lives involve people who are open and adventurous. BDSM is seriously one of the best ways to infuse your love life with heightened sensations. Both you and your partner go on a journey. And guess what?
Research shows that people who practice BDSM have more secure attachments and better wellbeing! (1) Orgasms are better, sex is better, and intimacy deepens. The benefits for couples ripple out throughout their shared lives.
For the beginner and the expert, there’s something that’s essential to a successful and respectful BDSM life: the checklist.
OK OK! I’ll answer all your questions right now…
Why is a BDSM checklist absolutely essential?
It’s hard to admit that things can get a little stale in the bedroom, isn’t it? None of us want to be that dried-up prune. And creating a bondage room at home might be a bit of an overkill too…
Social media, films, and books shove the hottest sex scenes down our throats every day. Where does that leave us?
Feeling ill-equipped and unattractive at worst! So, what do you do at moments like this? The truth is sex and kinky lives take work. We need to put time and effort into our erotic lives. How do we that?
OK, so it might not sound particularly sexy, but creating a form that lists a load of BDSM activities immediately changes the dynamics of your sexual relationship.
A kinky list supports a couple to get on the same page about both of your interests. It also offers a great starting point for those starting out.
They can be used by subs, doms, and switches! Also, a checklist can become part of a BDSM contract.
BDSM Points For Beginners!
The humble beginner might feel as though their experience level means a checklist is too much. Don’t fall victim to that silly idea! The future of your kink life can become seriously enhanced through regular conversation based around this amazing tool.
If you’re really organized, you can make notes on the checklist after trying particular activities! Another useful part of the checklist is that you can also mark your interest level next to the various types of play. This helps you to identify what to try first. Check out some basic BDSM ideas for beginners to start with!
Oh, tip: newbies should talk and share their interests. An open dialogue around BDSM is essential for it to be safe, fun, and to develop deep pleasure.
Existing partners: open up about needs and sexual desires...
I’m here to champion the long-term relationship! Being with a partner for a while means you can get inside the other’s head – in a good way. Wanna know what that means?
Seriously sweet intimacy. Contrary to how BDSM is often viewed by the public, this lifestyle offers a space where people spend huge amounts of time and energy understanding each other. It’s an environment characterized by trust, exploration, and nurturing each other.
For the long-term couple, a list highlights new interests to explore. This brings new excitement as you expand the horizons of your relationship.
For the Single Person? Discover more about yourself!
For the single person, kink offers an incredible place to learn more about yourself. You’ll realize as you find new activities that there is much more going on inside that head of fantasies than you first imagined.
Wanna know how you can explore BDSM when you’re single? OK, here’s a mini checklist to give you inspiration:
- Keep a journal. Write down what turns you on, what you’d like to try alone or with a partner one day.
- Read BDSM erotica and novels. There’s so much around. It’s a wonderful starting point for masturbation.
- Watch BDSM videos online, reflect on it.
- Find out about your local BDSM scene and where your local sex clubs are. Go and investigate!
- Here’s one I love… OK, so I get myself off every day. When I was single, I would forbid myself to masturbate for three days if I’d thought of something dirty, on the fourth day I’d go mad at it! It’s an interesting way to explore your own sense of control.
Best BDSM checklists
Right, now let me be clear about something, the best BDSM checklists have as many options as possible.
Don’t ignore the things that frighten you. Keep them on the list.
That list needs to include anal plugs, BDSM sex swings, erotic photos, eye contact restrictions, religious scenes, Japanese rope bondage, rimming, tongue play, vaginal dilation…
And if you’re kinky and like to travel, don’t forget to pack your Liberator Bondi Bondage Board next time you go somewhere with your partner.
Yep, you’ve got it: everything you can think of. Why’s this so important? Well, partners are then able to fill in their answers on the checklist. They can note what’s a soft limit, a hard limit, and what’s a definite no-go. They can discuss this openly. A form filled in at the same time is a great way to begin. The couple should be in the same room to negotiate.
You can create a list of BDSM and sex activities to try yourself. Alternatively, use a BDSM checklist that someone else has already made. Check out the ABCs of Kink checklist here! It literally covers all areas.
Know your hard limit!
It’s imperative that you’re honest about what your hard limits are. This needs to be laid out to new partners as well as to long-term partners when you’re first trying a new interest. This helps to keep you both safe physically and emotionally.
The Essential: Your BDSM contract
The delightful experience of intimacy that can be gained through the dominant/submissive relationship is largely created through two things:
- Open and honest conversation.
- Developing a BDSM contract.
A contract is where partners outline what they will do together (checklists come in handy here). They also identify each person’s limits and therefore a set of rules is created.
This will, of course, include a safe word and action as well as aftercare for the sub. The latter is incredibly important to protect around “sub drop”.
Recommended Products
The hottest thing about kink is all the new toys and equipment you and your partner get to play with! There are two kinkster-pleasers that I really have to mention…
The Bed Buckler Restraint System is perfect bondage kit. I just love how easy it is to use. You can attach it to any mattress and they have quick clips.
They’re brilliant if you like easy-to-use equipment. My boyfriend and I have even taken it on vacation!
Another excellent addition to your kinkster kit is the Bondage Boutique Hogtie. Hogties are for people who love restraint teamed up with punishment.
They force me into submission immediately (especially when he gags me too)!
Actually you might also want to check my article on my favourite sexual handcuffs… Click here!
Pussy worship
Helpful is what I am through and through…! Now, let me tell you something every woman and vagina-owner needs to know:
Pussy worship is heaven.
OK, so I know we’re all different and so many of us are self-conscious and worry about being smelly and it being dirty and blah blah blah. But this is the thing: when I got past that near-impossible barrier of feeling self-conscious, I started having the best sexual experiences of my life. Why?
Because cunnilingus makes me cum every time. I now force partners to worship my pussy. The intimacy of BDSM is one of the most comfortable spaces to explore this wonderful type of vaginal play.
Wanna know a secret to make it even sexier? Use Slingshot straps or spreader bars (for my recommended ones, click here). They’re perfect if you’re into spreading legs. My boyfriend does this to me when he takes over as dom. Oh man – they. are. next. level.
How to use a BDSM checklist?
Once you’ve got your list, it’s best to complete the form at the same time. This facilitates discussion and openness around interests.
With your checklist filled, you keep this as a tool that constantly changes as you explore. You then move on to creating the contract. This can also evolve as you play and try new BDSM activities.
Be honest with yourself
What’s one of the most important things in life? I mean, it has to be self-honesty, right?
Only through being in touch with what’s in your head and heart can you find peace with how you act. The kink scene is all about behaviours and actions.
This is why you need to be clear and honest with yourself about everything you want to do and everything you have done. You must then articulate this to your dom or sub.
Remember: a BDSM checklist is not only for Submissives!
Your relationship with your kink partner is one of two people. As such it must look after you both. Each person has an interest in similar and different things. You both need to explore. Look up terms you aren’t familiar with. You’re sure to find lots of exciting ideas for sex, play, and kinky fun!
Don't be afraid to negotiate with your partner
Everyone is unique! Even with your friends, each of you is different even where you have things in common.
In relationships exploring BDSM, you need to negotiate. At times this might be a little uncomfortable. Perhaps your partner might want to try something you don’t. In this case, it’s helpful to discuss things you haven’t liked in past. Perhaps you might be happy to try it again.
You might create a new contract around this activity. Keep in mind that you aren’t bound to this contract when this activity is over and you can discuss and change things again.
Remember, negotiation is healthy, but you ultimately decide what you give consent to.
BDSM checklist: ideas for bad girls
Wanna know a brilliant thing about kink? If you’re interested in exploring your bad girl side, you’ve landed in the right place! Perhaps, though, you realize that there’s so much to investigate. Amazing, right? But where to start?
Well, I thought I’d just drop in an example of what you need to get your S&M play off to a cracking start…
Lovehoney offers the ultimate All You Need Bondage Kit. It’s got everything covered from mouth gags, anal plugs, and clamps to cuffs and suction dildos.
Whatever interest you want to start with, it will be in this kit!
How to change a BDSM checklist to a sexual checklist
If you’ve decided BDSM really isn’t for you, that’s totally OK. Wanna know what you can do? You can change this list into a checklist for sexual activities instead.
Oh, darlings, this is just as fun… You might use the original list to base your sex list on, or you might start completely from scratch.
Discuss what sexual activities you want to explore as you write down ideas between you.
To finish off
So there you have it, all the wonderful ins and outs of how to approach BDSM checklists. With your own list in hand, you and your partner enhance erotic exploration. The sky is your limit. And the best part? As long as you always communicate honestly and renegotiate, you’ll have the intimacy and pleasure you always dreamed of!
